The Day I Jumped Off A Cliff

One of the most clear moments of my life was when I rappelled in the Sierra Nevadas as part of my wilderness adventure/leadership course, which was one of the defining moments in my life. An organization called GirlVentures took me out into nature to teach me leadership skills and the value of me as a person, and I now work for this amazing organization and love every minute. This vignette shows the moment when I transitioned from girl to woman, from shy to brave.

The Day I Jumped Off A Cliff: A Vignette

I looked down, then, completely panicked, looked back up. My hiking boots dangled into open space, knees desperately digging into the ledge, fingers wanting to grasp the rock but were too busy tightly knotting themselves on the rope that was my salvation. Shakily, breathing deeply and steeling my nerves, I looked down at my dearest friends reaching up to me, yelling encouragement. Their support would have helped, if I weren’t fifty feet in the air above them.

I looked immediately back up, deaf to the soothing voice of my wilderness instructor, telling me that I can do it, I can jump. No, this was a battle between me and my inner demons, those little voices that told me I’ll never be good enough or brave enough for this world. Tears of frustration threatened; had I really come all this way, physically and mentally, just to give up now?

No, my new-found confidence whispered, Don't give up now, you can do it, just jump.

I could climb back up, but that would be giving in to my little voices, and the newly courageous me rebelled at that idea: I would not, could not, give up. I was going to rappel down this cliff and there was nothing those little voices could do about it.

Except then I looked down. My determination vanished, and I needed every ounce of courage and strength in my body not to admit defeat and climb back up away from the edge and my crippling fear. But then, strangely, gripped by a sudden impulse, I took a deep breath and glanced down, and for the first time, I consciously saw the beauty around me: the tall trees that brushed the sky, the majestic mountains, the rock itself, beautiful in the way only dirt can be, faceted with all kinds of small glittering particles, the wind, brushing its current against my face as if to say, let go and fly.

Suddenly I knew: If I didn’t jump now, I would never take a risk like this again. I would never know what it would feel like to live in the present, where every action wasn’t planned and controlled. I would never know what it would be like to be confident in myself, to lead, to take those first steps towards anywhere new I might want to go. Did I really want that life? The answer was mine and mine alone to choose: jump and continue jumping, living for myself and the ones I love. Or climb up, give in to my fears, and live a life I didn't want.

The choice was mine, the hardest yet most important choice I've ever had to make in my life. Decision time had arrived, and I was as ready as any girl could possibly be to make a decision that would change her life as she knew it.

To jump or not to jump? That was my question.

Jump, my confidence said, and I'll catch you.

I jumped.

And I’ve been jumping ever since.